Things I hear in the room...

This is a reflection on themes I encounter in my work; details have been changed and no individual client is being described.

It's amazing just how many of my clients have the same concerns, worries, thoughts and feelings. They have different life experiences, different backgrounds, different circumstances and goals and somehow we all end up worrying about the same things.

"I'm not a good mum."

"I'm a failure as a dad."

I have heard these phrases time and time again from clients. They will sit and tell me of the difficult things they've had to navigate alongside raising their family. The trauma they've experienced, battles they've quietly fought and the days where just getting through to bedtime was an achievement. And I often sit listening in awe of their strength.

And despite that, they sit in that chair and tell me they're a terrible parent. That they have failed their children because they've not met the imagined expectation of what we are told parenting is supposed to be. They compare themselves to the carefully cut highlights of social media families and that somehow proves they're not doing enough, not earning enough, not providing enough and not loving enough.

and it baffles me...

Because when i sit there listening to their story, I don't hear 'bad parent' or 'failure'. I hear:

• A parent that has endured their own trauma and still made the time to play with their child.

• A parent that is battling their own inner demons and still doing everything they can to teach their child about self-worth and self-love.

• A parent facing their own fears so they don't pass them down to their child.

• A parent that has been so exhausted and overwhelmed that they are barely holding themselves together, but they still showed up, time and time again.
  

Being a good parent isn't about getting everything right, or making the most money and going on fancy holidays. IT isn't about never struggling, or never losing your patience, or that you shouldn't ever feel overwhelmed.

It is loving your child, protecting them wherever you can, fixing things when they go wrong and trying again.

Sometimes we are so focused on everything we think we are doing wrong that we miss everything we are doing right.

A parent who, despite everything they have endured, is still sitting there worried about whether they are doing enough. And that tells me so much about the type of parent they are.